How do you define yourself?

I used to think that I had to define myself based on my marriage status. Weird, huh? But then again, at one point in my life, everyone around me was getting married, and I was hanging out with my bestie crying because I was doomed to be single. At the time, he was single, too, so he had the same concerns about his life. My question is, at what point in our lives did we think it was best to define ourselves by a partner – or lack thereof?

See, I always felt worthless because I was single – still am by the way. I’m inching closer and closer to the big 3-0, and it terrified me to be alone at that age back in my early twenties. I don’t know why. I guess it was pressure from everyone else finding their loved ones so early in their lives that made me feel worthless and unlovable. Heck, my baby sister was married at 17, and here I am, at the age of 28 (She’s almost 26 now now.) still single and not even dating anyone. (That’s a personal choice I’m still happy to stick to to this day. I’ll explain later.)

Back to the point, I was around twenty when she was married, and although I was happy for her, I couldn’t help but think, “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I’m the oldest. I should have been married first.” And now I see how selfish that thought process was. I shouldn’t have been wondering about my lack of marriage. I should have been focusing on loving myself enough to NOT define myself by my “singleness”.

And why does it matter? Really? Why is me feeling worthless because I have yet to find my significant other matter? I can’t tell you that it doesn’t. I should have been comfortable with myself, knowing that God has a plan He is working on.

Not to mention, I’m not ready to be married now that I think about it. I’m happy that I never married anyone I ever dated. Seriously. I would have been divorced by now if I had stuck around with those losers.

Still, I should have been happy with me back then. I am happy with me now, and it’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Do I still struggle? Of course. I have days where I would love to have a significant other to spend my evening curled up on the sofa with or bickering over something stupid with, but that doesn’t mean I can’t first learn to be happy in my own presence.

After all, being happy with yourself is probably one of the most rewarding feelings. Once you can embrace yourself and love yourself, everything else just kind of falls into place. You’re okay with  your “single status”. You’re okay with joking about how you’ll never find the man of your dreams because he got lost on his way to find your or something equally ridiculous. You can bask in the glory of your friend or family member’s union without feeling like the most worthless pieces of scum on the bottom of someone’s shoe. You can even say you’re happy when you ex finds someone else. And really, aren’t we? Aren’t we glad that we didn’t have to put up with them? When I found out my exes were now married, I said, “Good luck, ladies.” (Not to their faces of course, but I might have.)

I think I said that I would explain why I’m not dating anyone. It’s a choice that I made because I need to work on me. I need to work on loving myself before I can be in a relationship. I’m working on myself and working on my relationship with God. Everything will fall into place after that.

And this long post goes beyond defining yourself by your status or lack of status. It’s anything that you find worthless about yourself. It’s about defining yourself for who you are and not what the world says you should be.

Where you’re at in your life is all part of the master plan. What if your life had gone differently? Would you be happy about that? I probably wouldn’t, if I’m honest. I love my life. I love myself. I love.

My internet bestie, Author Becki Brannen, has this hashtag that she uses with everything. #IChooseLove (We’re big on hashtags, okay?) And as you all probably know, #loveyourself is one of mine. Today, I want to mesh them. #IChoosetoLoveMyself

What do you choose? Do you choose to define yourself by the ridiculous standards of the world? Or do you choose to love yourself for who you are?

#IChoosetoLoveMyself for ME, today. Whether I’m skinny or fat. (I’m fat, btw.) Whether I’m single or married. (I’m single.) I’m me, and I’m happy where I am in my life.



5 thoughts on “How do you define yourself?

  1. Kristin

    I don’t know if it’s necessarily about struggling to love yourself. The bible says that we inherently love ourselves. Hence the, “love your neighbor as yourself,” in Matt 22:39, and then again when it says that husband should love their wives as their own selves because no one ever hated his own flesh (Ephesians 5:28-29). I think the struggle is choosing to accept that God doesn’t make mistakes. He has said that He loves us, and He has ordained our lives. For me there has always been a struggle to accept what God said or did as perfect, because I had other things in mind. I wanted people to love me, and when it felt like no one did, I accused God of making me wrong. But the problem is that man doesn’t see as God sees. God made me for a specific purpose, and if that excludes some of my dreams and expectations, I have to ask if I’m willing to let go of those things in order to pursue His plan.

    Liked by 1 person

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