Too fat to date?

I recently read an article about a young woman who had a lovely dinner with a Tinder date. She thought it went well. They had decent chemistry, and when he texted her, she was surprised by what he said.

Hey Michelle, sorry been super busy at work today hun.

Thanks for a wonderful evening last night. I really enjoyed your company and actually adore you. You’re cheeky and funny and just the sort of girl I would love to go out with if only my body and mind would let me. But I fear it won’t.

I’m not going to bull***t you… I f***ing adore you Michelle and I think you’re the prettiest looking girl I’ve ever met. But my mind gets turned on by someone slimmer.

Shallow? It’s not meant to be. It’s the same reaction you get when you read a great author or see an amazing image, or listen to a piece of music you love, it has that instant reaction in you that makes you crave more.

So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God… I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure. So I can sit there and flirt and have the most incredibly fun evening, but I have this awful feeling that when we got undressed my body would let me down. I don’t want that to happen baby.

There are certain triggers that fire my imagination into life and your wit and intelligence are the beginning of that process which would inevitably end up in the bedroom. With just one result….

I’m so disappointed in myself Michelle because I’ve genuinely not felt this way about anyone in ages, but I’m trying to be honest with you without sounding like a total knobhead.

We could be amazing friends, we could flirt and joke and adore each other and… f*** me… I would marry you like a shot if you were a slip of a girl because what you have in that mind of yours is utterly unique, and I really really love it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m trying to avoid bigger pain in the future by telling you now so we don’t have to go through that embarrassment. I’m a man… With all the red hot lusts of a man and all the failings of a man and I’m sure of my own body and its needs.

Please try and forgive me. I adore you xx

What a pig! Her response was fab, and I strongly suggest you read it. Again, that article can be found here.

This woman is absolutely stunning and brave, and I applaud her for being so open with her message about this.

But you wanna hear something funny? I’ve been on the same end of this.

A few years ago, around 7 or 8 I think, I met this guy (who didn’t have a picture on his dating profile, might I add) online. He was smart, witty, and I thought a decent guy as we talked and got to know one another.

Well, we met up at my church and went to church together. He wasn’t at all what I expected. (My brother-in-law calls him “shark teeth” if that means anything to you.) I wasn’t attracted to him, and I didn’t see it going further than one meeting anyway. But what got me was when we had lunch after church.

We went to Subway, which was about the only decent place to get some food in the small town where my church at the time was, and the dude all but forced me to get a veggie sub, which I hate. I hated every vegetable on that sub sandwich. Yet, I ate it because I felt like I had to impress him. He wanted me to give it a try, so I did. I was an idiot. I shouldn’t have let him make me feel this way.

Anyway, we go back to my church to sit around and talk. You know, to get to know each other better. Well, in that discussion, he told me that if I didn’t lose weight, he wouldn’t date me. I kid you not, he honestly told me that. At the time, I was trying to lose weight, but I posed the question that if I wasn’t, would he still want to date me. He told me that he wouldn’t because he didn’t want to date a fat girl. I told him goodbye and never saw or spoke with him again.

I spent that entire night crying. I let some jerk of a man make me feel like less of a woman because I was overweight. I regret that night. I regret not yelling at him. I regret the tears. I regret letting him have some bearing on my feelings.

See, I wasn’t where I am now in my life. I promise you that if a guy ever said something like that me now, he would get it. I would hold nothing back. Honestly. No one should ever make me or you or anyone feel like less of a person.

Of course there are people out there who are jerks and do it regardless, but we can do something about it. We can build up ourselves to where something like this wouldn’t bother us as much. At least that’s my hope. I’m happy with myself. I’m happy where I am.

No guy (or girl) should ever make us feel worthless because we don’t “turn them on”.

I love what this woman said best in her response the Tinder man.

I want you to encourage your daughter to love, enjoy, and care for her body. It belongs to her and only her. Praise her intellect, and her creativity. Push her to push herself and to be fearless. Give her the tools to develop a bomb-proof sense of self-esteem so that if (I’ll be kind, I’ll say “if”) the time comes that a small, unhappy man attempts to corrode it, she can respond as I do now.

We have to be able to get our self-esteem up, to know that no matter what some jerk says, we’re still beautiful creatures. Fat, small, or average, you’re a hottie, and it’s time we started learning that about ourselves.

#loveyourself because it’s what we should do. And for the record, it’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing you’ll do, but it’s totally worth it! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

 

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