Why I’ve chosen to remain single.

I’m 29. I’m not scared of my age. I do a lot of joking around about how I refuse to get to 30, but the fact remains, my age (and my singleness) is just fine by me.

People assume I’m the younger of my sister and me, but I’m the oldest. People assume wrong because I’m single and childless. People assume that because I’m nearing 30 (quickly) I should be married and have children, or at the very least that I should be thinking about finding a husband and having a few children. But that’s not what I want. I want to remain single at this point in my life.

My previous relationships have been disastrous. Why? Because I put finding a man in my own hands instead of God’s hands.

I’ve learned over the years that God knows much more than I do, and it’s always much much better if I let Him take the wheel in my dating life. Well, in every area of my life, but that’s a post for another time.

So, after my last failed relationship over two years ago, I prayed and I told God that I wouldn’t date until He told me to. I haven’t looked for a man, and I haven’t been on a date. Yes, I’m nearly 30, and I refuse to date. I decided that it would be best if I focused on my relationship with God, and then I would focus on a relationship with a man who God saw fit to bring into my life. Because God’s plans are always for the better. He knows what He’s doing.

Do I want to get married? Yes, eventually. Do I want kids? Probably. But I don’t want to force anything and it be outside of the will of God. I think sometimes we forget that we need to seek God when it comes to things like this. I had never thought to let God direct my dating life. Why? Because I was selfish and wanted to do things on my own, and look how that turned out: failed relationships and regrets. Plus, during these relationships, I didn’t put as much focus on my relationship with God. And that was on me. I got so wrapped up in these guys, that I didn’t want to see what was in front of me: how wrong we were for one another and how little I was focusing on God.

I remain single because I am working on my relationship with God, putting my focus on Him, and believing that when the time comes, He will put my future husband and me in the same place, and say, “Emmie, that’s him. That’s your guy.”

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m not. I just choose to believe that I’m doing what’s right for me. And for me, I feel like waiting and focusing on God. There’s a meme that has been going around, and I always see it when I need it most i.e. when I’m feeling lonely.

run-as-fast-as-you-can-towards-god

So that’s my plan. It may not be the right plan for you, but it’s the right one for me. Honestly, I always tell people who are lonely and want to be in a relationship this. I feel like it’s probably the best way to deal with the loneliness. You have to first take care of yourself and what you need to fix in your relationship with God before you can have a romantic relationship.

I also found it helpful to find like-minded friends, people who understand what it’s like to want to get to know Christ more and then find a husband or wife. I know. It’s not easy. I don’t have but one single friend, but at least we’re both on the same page.😛 Still, if you’re single, and if you need a friend, follow me on Facebook and strike up a conversation. Or send in a prayer request.

You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to feel alone, and you don’t have to be alone. God loves you.

I also strongly suggest praying for your future mate. Author Zari Banks has a great resource called, Praying While You’re Waiting for Him and Praying While You’re Waiting for Her.

I read Praying While You’re Waiting for Him, and I loved it! Since high school, I’ve been a firm believer in praying for the man God wanted me to marry. Zari brought out the power behind the prayers and how important it is to pray for my future husband and my marriage BEFORE it happens to prepare him and me both for what God has in store for us.I strongly suggest every single woman (or man) reads this book. These prayers are spirit-filled and powerful!

It’s important that we first learn to establish our relationship with God if we want a God-centered relationship. You have to know where you stand in that to have a relationship with your significant other that glorifies God.

And that is why I’m still single and praying. I’ll be praying for you as well!

God wants you to know you’re beautiful.

That’s been my thing lately, sharing posts and Bible verses to hopefully get people to know and understand that they are beautiful. That God loves them no matter what they think about themselves, no matter what they’ve done. Yet, somehow, I’ve forgotten to remind myself of that.

The week before last, I couldn’t look in a mirror without thinking about the things I wanted to change. I couldn’t say a prayer without asking God to help me lose weight, to help me look better. I tried to play it off as wanting to be healthier (which I do honestly want), but deep down, I knew it was because of my looks, because of the fat on my body. I didn’t want it anymore. I didn’t want to look like me. What scares me most is that I didn’t even realize what I’d been doing until last Sunday.

I know what you must be thinking. How can we trust this girl who can’t even trust herself when it comes to spreading this important message?

Everyone has a weak moment (or two). I have more than I like to admit. So, trust me when I say that this is an uphill battle. Sometimes you slip and fall, but sometimes the trail is easy. The past few weeks I’ve slipped.

I don’t like admitting it. I want you all to think I’m perfect and I don’t struggle with this. But we all know that’s not the case. None of us are perfect, especially me. I would love to change a lot about myself, but I first have to remember who I am, what type of woman I am, and Who loves me.

I was reminded of that last Sunday. I was worshiping God during our worship service when a lovely lady from my church walked up to me and said one sentence, “God wants you to know you’re beautiful.”

God wants you to know you're beautiful.

I knew that. I knew He thought it, but I had forgotten it. When she told me this, it just hit me, an overwhelming knowledge that God would do anything to get my attention and let me know that He loved me and thought I was beautiful.

I’ve had to have many of the meetings with God because I let the world, Satan, and myself get in the way. This wasn’t the first time that He had to get my attention, and it shouldn’t be that way. I should know better. I should do better.

But I’m human, and luckily, God knows that. He understands that, but it’s my job-it’s our job-to try and fix how we see ourselves. Not fix ourselves but how we see ourselves. We don’t have to be content trying to fix every little thing about us, though I’m not saying that you can’t change. I just want you to know that obsessing over our size, our looks, etc is doing us more harm than realizing that God loves us for who we are.

I’m not sure when or how I’ll fix how I see myself, but what I do know is that God loves me as I am, and that is all that matters.

God loves you as you are and thinks you’re beautiful, too. Let’s try and not forget about that. Take that uphill journey one cautious step at a time, but we have to take it. We have to do it. Not for anyone else but for you, for God.